Where's my catalyst? Hello?

I'm just sitting here reflecting on the last few hours. It was pretty intense. It's something I never dreamed would ever occur in my life but it did. But it only brought us closer as a family. Except, I don't know what it would bring us to.

I have yet to tell some people, but I admit it was already very hard to tell my parents and it might be simple to say that they're taking it as easy as me, but they probably feel it as much as I do too. Slightly less, but just as much. It's heart wrenching to imagine how people, close to you would react. It doesn't count the least bit telling a couple hundred people, some strangers, some acquaintances, some friends, some close friends, some best friends. However when it comes to sharing, heart to heart, face to face...I need to admit that it's harder than even just, I don't know? Saying sorry to someone that you don't particularly like? Telling people the deepest secret of your life is one of the most difficult things you would have to do. Telling someone you love them? Something that maybe you didn't do, but was particularly a huge blow to you. Something that you're ashamed of, or scared to face the consequences for. No matter how...eminent or disturbing it is, it should get out someday, especially to the ones you love. Especially someone who you might spend the rest of your life with. Especially your best friends. Especially your parents, siblings. But in the end, you know that God has been with you and uses your painful experiences to bring hope and strength to others. I wish it were just so easy to say, so simple to just spit out without have tears choking the words back into your mouth. It's like nausea. You want to, but you can't. Sometimes I guess you use your finger just to act as a catalyst. Sometimes you think you have to force it out. But God says, no you don't. He's the catalyst, even though sometimes reactions may be slow or it may seem like He's dragging it out. Sometimes, well, all the time, the most tedious things are the things that stand high and strong at the end.