Masks will be grown out of.

Tomorrow, I will be headed back to the dreaded school. I often contemplate whether or not going to school is worth it. After all, its purpose is backed up by quite a worldly rationale. Therefore, I am presuming that we are going to school daily in order to prepare our futures...to earn money? I have been mulling over the smallest details of things. However, I often tend to over-examine things into too much depth nonetheless. I guess would leave it to you to judge whether that is a good trait to carry or not.

As I am further lingering on the topic of education, I honestly wish, and will not deny that I would like to speak as an educated individual. As someone who immerses herself in American culture, I have realized as the years have passed by, the speech of our population is...fluctuating? I am not quite sure of a more specific and descriptive word. Continuing on the topic, I have recently realized that in school, our teachers do not make an effort to expand our vocabulary. Therefore I must rely on my own discoveries. Meaning I have learned a new vocabulary word: Juxtaposed. As you now know, I find new learnings very exciting.

Concerning new learnings, I have realized that I am often times quite an unfriendly person. Considering many label me as a quite nice person, I find that rather, ironic. Juxtaposing my recent discovery concerning myself and what others believe of me, the end result is quite...contrasting. On that topic, I realized that back then when I was younger, I looked up to everyone whom I believed perfect. Rather, too perfect to be true. After recognizing that God is the only perfect being, those facades of perfection fell, and I was utterly disappointed to realize there were no perfect humans. But, that disappointment led to a new found joy. I realized then, that I no longer had to strive for that perfection. I had always, always tried to be as perfect as I could in front of others. I could even admit that I went as far as to mold many, many masks - one on top of the other. In my relationship with Christ, those caked layers of masks which had hardened have been slowly and painfully chipped off in my growth. Of course things that you have built up in the past will never last, especially when it is decided that you will grow out of them. In fact, you will realize that you do not need them any longer. I thought that if I could erect a facade of..."niceness", and make everyone believe I was perfect, I would be praised. Unfortunately, and fortunately I was wrong. So I am glad that I no longer need those masks, I can't be fake, and I don't have to be.