Maturation

It's quite amusing. The day I reached the milestone of my eighteenth birthday, it was as if the entire world had changed their viewpoint of me. Or perhaps it was just the mentality I had gained that I have reached adulthood in a physical sense. To be safe and logically "correct", I would have to say the latter holds more truth. However, I have realized how much the older resents the younger generation for the most part. If one were to board the train on a sunny Friday afternoon, a rather flagrant schism would be seen amongst the packed lollapalooza. There are packs of flibbertigibbets-often the trouble makers-making quite a scene, speaking in voices loud enough to be heard from the other end of the train. Then, usually sitting in a seat they have managed to miraculously win fighting against the waves of teenagers, resting their aching backs and joints from another exhausting day at work. Usually the adults are preoccupied with rolling their eyes at the restless teenagers, muttering underneath their breaths about "how the times have changed" while the students are busy chattering away, not giving a care in the world about who they are disrespecting and unaware of their inability to stabilize the volumes of their voices. Fortunately, this does not apply to the entire population which indulges in the luxury of public transportation.

Today in English class, we enjoyed a rather bland discussion concerning the gender gap in Fathers and Sons. Reflecting on the values presented for each generation, I have realized that I am quite the conservative. I find my generation very disrespectful and more so in the the younger ones. Looking back at the older generations, I have never quite understood how to explain why there was a retardation of maturation as the generations grew younger. I have finally accepted how strangely different I am from my peers. Adults would often tell me that I am "mature for my age" and never understood what they meant because I am forever trapped in the body of an eleven year old female. It could be that I had early prefrontal cortex development, or the values that my parents raised me with. Lately, I have had a bit of a tribulation with a close friend of mine. I am not very eloquent in speech, so it's quite the challenge for me to express what I feel or what I would like to say. I have the word in mind, but it is so deeply buried within my thoughts because I dare not bring it up. In other words, the colorful description is rather rude. What I would have wanted to tell her was that she was being immature. I really have no right to place judgement on others and tell them that they are lesser, but then again I, being her sister in Christ, should rebuke her in her wrongdoing. I often feel extremely hurt by her words, especially when she insults me in a sarcastic way. It's not easy for me to take sarcasm because I am the kind of person who takes things very seriously. However, whenever I tell her that I am hurt by her words, she retorts by telling me that maybe she should not talk to me anymore or be my friend. This creates an even greater chasm between us because I end up not knowing what to tell her without her being even more riled. It was very difficult for me to find a way to explain to her about why the way she responds is wrong, but after pondering on a way to tell her, the only words I have come up with are immature and childish. I do believe that she has good intentions as a friend, but often she lets her emotions, anger, and selfishness best her. I do not, however, want to seem pretentious or self-righteous because not everything I say or do is correct. I am just finding it more and more difficult each day to try and keep up with our friendships because the idea of changing myself in order to make others feels loved which everyone has been telling me doesn't seem right. I just don't think that we should love everyone in a different way. We should love everyone the same as Christ loves us. I feel a bit jaded after all of these broken friendships, and often I start to believe that maybe my mother is right: that I can't keep any of my friends. Perhaps it is time for me to reflect on myself and see what I am doing wrong rather than what others are doing wrong.