I lost it.

I lost my purple pen that my friend gave me. I loved it. A lot. I love the color purple.

I didn’t think she would just give it to me. But, she did.

I kept it with me in my pocket all the time.

Everything I wrote was in purple for a week.

When I lost it, it reminded me: It’s always the things you love and cherish that get taken away from you…sometimes only temporarily, sometimes forever. I’m hoping it dropped out of my pocket in my parents’ car…
Recently, I’ve lost two people who were very close to me. It’s hard for me to talk to them. It hurts to be around them. It makes me want to cry when I think about how just two months ago we were getting so close. Things happened and it broke us apart. I can’t help but feel like it was my fault, my fault that I had to be their friend in the first place. If I never existed, this wouldn’t have happened. No one would get hurt.

Right now, I feel so alone even though there are still people who are very important to me and still talk to me. I’ve never felt this kind of pain before, but it hurts. A lot. It’s like a new type of pain that you’ve never experienced before. The fresh cut hurts the first time, but you get used to it after that.

I don’t know how I could talk to them again. I feel like they care more about each other. I feel like I should just step out of the picture and leave them be because all I’m doing is causing other people pain. And I hate myself for that.