Full hands? Maybe a full life.

I feel like many people today don’t know how to read out loud. There are certain ways to express a written piece which actors and actresses have almost figured the secret to. It moves the piece from captivating to enrapturing. Even that slightest shift measures up to an entire world of a difference. Yet, no one will ever completely interpret a piece the way the author intended it to be taken. Even the author him or herself struggles to express the depth of imagination and emotion inside his or her mind some times.

Here are my thoughts that I feel I cannot express well:

I don't know if anyone ever feels the same way, but right now, I feel like my hands are full. There are so many things that I am not obliged to nor feel obligated to do, but my heart tells me is really important. There are certain areas in my life as well as certain areas in the world that I feel called to.

For instance, I am studying Education and Spanish currently in order to teach in South America one day. I have seen first hand how children there must grow up faster than they should. Some are even living on the streets, learning how to huff glue to achieve a temporary high in order to ward off hunger. It's not that they lack education, it's that they lack the time to live fully as children because they have parents that can spare the time to watch over their children each hour of the day. I absolutely do not feel worthy of pursuing this extremely difficult journey. In fact, I will never be up-to-par with anything God calls me to. Yet, He insists.

I also feel my heart being broken for Japan. I have always known a lot about the suicide rates. Reently, I have discovered a place called “Aokigahara,” also known as “Suicide Forest.” The stories of over 100 bodies a year (and increasing) being found troubled my heart.

The issue is that my heart is always broken. Every day. Not just for tragedies such as orphans in South America nor the suicide rate in Japan, but for the broken world. And always, I feel myself wanting to reach out. Thus the reason why I feel that my hands are overwhelmingly full.

Recently, I was able to chat a bit with a sister who’s heart is for Japan. I realized that my heart may be for other places, but I may not be called there. Fortunately, there is a difference. God has set out other people to reach out to certain areas of the world. I don’t have to feel overwhelmed, but what do I do with the brokenness I feel and the desire to help? But, then I realized that I most probably have a long life ahead of me.

Isn’t that what God has called us into this world to do? To live our lives to the full for Him. Perhaps all these places that my heart feels for have a place in my future?

That’s some thing to chew, no, pray on. (: