Frustrating is the word of the week. >:(

Lately I've been really frustrated with God. I've been very selfish and I kept on asking Him so many questions. I was getting frustrated and just cried out to Him, "God why aren't you answering me?" Sometimes I get really frustrated that my prayers aren't answered, sometimes I get frustrated when I ask Him something really important and He just leaves me hanging on a cliff. I've been having internal temper tantrums and I really face these a lot. I just keep filling up with anger because I hold it in, I have random outbursts and take it out on my family the most and it's just really frustrating. I've been wondering and wondering that if all the people of this world were believers, wouldn't life be so much easier? In some way I am really discriminated. You can even call this racism, but in the religious way. I get frustrated with people who have different religious beliefs, mostly atheists because it just really clashes with me, I don't know. Really. I'm always thinking, if I didn't believe in God, I would have been a really messed up kid. I would probably be swearing all over the place, maybe even cutting myself. Who knows? But I could be out there, lost and so sinful. Recently, or practically the whole year in class, there was an atheist who really really bugged me in my English class. He publicly insulted everyone who believed and said that people who believed in God were downright idiots. I thought that was just taking it too far. But there were some people who were immature and forced it back onto him/her (I'm trying to keep his identity confidential, even if you know who the person is), and they got in trouble. But I think the teacher should have told him that he wasn't right either, it was against the school rules to insult other people's beliefs but she was a new teacher.

Anyways...I'm just so angry. Sometimes I just wish that Christ would come soon. I realized that I was a really selfish person and I just want everything that's best for myself. Sometimes I'm really scared of growing up, sometimes I even cry about it. Sometimes I'm scared when I think about who I am going to marry, or who I would go out with in the future. There are really lots of things to worry about in this world. Sometimes I'm in such agonizing pain thinking about this stuff and just being so scared and afraid to the point where you say "someone just shoot me now". I hate being scared, I hate being in pain, I hate being uncomfortable. Moreover...

I hate you Satan.


the end.